Wichita Eagle Logo
mcclatchydc Logo

News

Breaking News 1

Moon and several planets
Moon and several planets APOD

Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Fetal stemcells, aren’t those controversial? Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life.

Oh, you’re a dollar naughtier than most. I found what I need. And it’s not friends, it’s things. Really?! I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… One hundred dollars. Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk!

Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Now what? Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say.

Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. With gusto. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Shut up and take my money! Guess again.

This is the worst kind of discrimination: the kind against me! And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr. You are the last hope of the universe. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying!

The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Breaking news & more

Sign up for one of our many newsletters to be the first to know when big news breaks

SIGN UP

Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say.

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? No, she’ll probably make me do it. Aww, it’s true. I’ve been hiding it for so long. Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are.

If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right. Bender, I didn’t know you liked cooking. That’s so cute. No, of course not. It was… uh… porno. Yeah, that’s it.

Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! When will that be? Oh right. I forgot about the battle. A sexy mistake. Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it.

You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! No, I’m Santa Claus! I had more, but you go ahead. What are their names? Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat.

There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! Michelle, I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it. We don’t have a brig. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!

For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want!

Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! Shut up and get to the point! Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! Oh dear! She’s stuck in an infinite loop, and he’s an idiot! Well, that’s love for you.

No, just a regular mistake. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Noooooo! Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn’t make sense. But, okay!

We’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go home. Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried?

Why yes! Thanks for noticing. Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat. Well, then good news! It’s a suppository. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Guess again. It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Bender?! You stole the atom. Bender?! You stole the atom.

Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? Can I use the gun? Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? You guys aren’t Santa! You’re not even robots. How dare you lie in front of Jesus?

Follow more of our reporting on Universe, Planets and Stars

See all 4 stories
  Comments  
Be the first to know.
#ReadLocal

No one covers what is happening in our community better than we do. And with a digital subscription, you'll never miss a local story.

SIGN ME UP!
Copyright Commenting Policy Privacy Policy Terms of Service